I like to think of myself as the “Forwards Stopper”. You know those pieces of email which have never been read by anyone, the kinds that have “Miracle of Bohemian Proportions” in the subject line and which claim that if you fail to forward the email that you are reading, your house will be raided by pixilated nymphomaniacs, with each one of them weighing at least a tonne and having a fetish for eating lots of garlic and smelling of garbage dump. And that will happen if you are lucky. If you are unlucky enough, you could lose a million dollars in a day, be eaten alive by Piranhas or worse, you could lose all your bodily hair in a pubic oops… I mean in a public place.

Other hazards of not forwarding emails proclaiming to contain blessings from various god men: getting pregnant with septuplets in the middle of a desert at short notice, having to get septuplets pregnant in the middle of a desert at short notice, being forced to attend Kumar Sanu concerts (the one with jhankar beats in the background), being made to watch Chelsea-Liverpool Champions League semi-final borefests with your eyelids taped to your forehead so that you cannot blink, lest you miss the action. I could go on, but you get the point – a lot of evil is out there in the world. And the only way to negate it is through forwarded emails.

While on the subject of forwarded emails, I’m reminded of an article I wrote some time ago [original article here] There I speak of an impersonator who uses my email id to send spam to random people in the internet world. I am sure that the email must have reached other spammers because they got hold of my email id, and in a brilliant and unheard of marketing manoeuvre, they used my email id to send me even more spam, occasionally from my own email id. I was spared the agony of legal hassles due to some excellent manoeuverability on my own part: I deleted the email account.

The only positive that came out of all this was that I got the contact details of some spammers. They now send some money across when I sell them the email addresses of all the people putting spam in my comments! This way, I use the tricks of the trade against the traders themselves (let me know if you could make sense of that statement. I couldn’t). In case you don’t get enough forwards in your inbox and want to know how you can spice up your life with Cialis / Viagra, just put a comment on this article, with your email id. I’ll send across blessings from a million sex gurus, each of which require you to forward emails to add a few inches to your bodily organs (you know the ones!)

/R