“Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.”

- Kevin Arnold

An interesting quote I found the other day during my travels on the internet. I was searching for mnemonic devices on the internet and found this quote. Serendipity in its true form.

Anyway, the reason that I am writing about all of this is because I recently took a trip down memory lane and visited my engineering days. As Yuri mentioned, missing your engineering days is a testament to the power of nostalgia. We see everything in full blown colour, yet our memories always seem to have a tone of sepia in them. Its almost as if the brain wants to ensure a sense of mellowness about the things that have been.

Some things that I reminisced:

1. We had loads of time on our hand. It certainly seems that way now considering that we used to play football every day, including exam days. Sure, we used to fret during the build up to the exams that we could have done with some extra time for preparation. However, I am sure that we would have spent even the PL in playing some sort of sport. I guess it has something to do with age, raging hormones and stuff. We had to wear off the excessive energy. Kind of like Bryan Adams sings in Summer of 69: we were young & restless, we needed to unwind. And the subsequent lyrics are very true, too: I guess nothin’ can last forever, forever, no!
2. We could go days without sleeping. And possibly nights too. We were never had any sleep debt, mostly because classroom lectures were utilized for recovering the sleep we missed due to playing table tennis throughout the night.Sleep was definitely over-rated way back then.
3. Rock music sustained us through engineering: Joe Satriani, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Def Leppard, Iron Maiden, Eagles, Scorpions et al. ensured that we could take our minds out of our daily conundrums (resulting from engineering knowledge or lack thereof). We were transported magically to a different world, where head banging was the norm and anyone who liked the Backstreet Boys was termed as gay!
4. News papers & News channels were hated like hell. Till the final year of course. That is when we realized that the key to success in GD&PI was reading voraciously from news papers and magazines. Up until the final year, we looked at newspapers in the common room as something the workers in the hostel required and also as cleanup agents after a cake smothering party. Tip: Newspapers are the best way to clean your face after someone has splattered cake/pastry on it. The ubiquitous newspaper was also the way to pass time as you waited for your girlfriend to get ready in the girls hostel lobby.
5. We cared a lot about our exam percentage than we cared to show: all of us appeared like studs when discussing our marks. Its no big deal, man. I know I could have done better, but it doesn’t matter. Deep down, we always wished that we’d studied a bit more, to have gotten just that few percentage more. Result days were spent planning for future successes. But we left it that, most of the times.
6. Our school days seemed the best days of our life at that time. Just goes to show that the older we get, the better we feel about the past.

/Radgovin

One glance at the digital clock hanging on the wall (made in China, of course) and I know that I should be in bed instead of burning my gray cells staring at a blank WordPress screen. Yet, there are these thoughts that trouble me and do not let me catch on my beauty sleep…

Have been thinking a lot lately. I think the Mumbai attacks affected me more than I care to admit. I guess some part of me died with the two hundred odd people who were, rather unfortunately, killed on that fateful day. It could easily have been me, standing at platform no. 5, waiting for the last Karjat fast local train that would take me home; it could have been me, walking down the lane in front of Cafe Leopold; it could have been me, taking a taxi which was fated not to reach its destination. Mumbai, my home for 25 years, will never be the same again.

I sit here now, typing this blog, secure in the knowledge that I was “lucky” to have escaped the terror attacks. Yet, the frailty of life in the face of death leaves me in no doubt that I may not be here tomorrow. More on the frailty of human life here: The Frail Human. It is this thought that has been troubling me for some time now. If I am not going to exist forever, what is the point in building a fortune for myself and my family? Why should I persevere to ensure that my future generations live a good life? Why should I worry about what happens to relatives, friends, animals, birds, insects, trees, water, air, earth, space, the Universe? Why should I think about little insignificant details of my everyday life like whether I will be able to make it to the station in time to catch the 07:48 am fast train so that I can reach my work place on time. Why should I bother whether Arsenal wins the EPL/CL/CC/FAC/WCC/CS etc? Shouldn’t I care two hoots about how India performs at the Olympics? Or how Argentina fares at the World Cup? Why should I go into delirium every time my site stats show that the hits have increased? Is there any point to it all?

And of course, as is wont to happen with all things in life, these thoughts, just like millions of my cells have before and like millions will in the future, die out. They are nothing but random neural firings, brought on by the caffeine. I am sure that drowsiness will get the better of me and the last thoughts that pass through my mind before it is consumed by sleep will be of that babe I saw across the street today. And when I wake up in the morning, all of this will be a distant memory. I will want to attack the day with renewed vigour and zest. Every freshly generated cell in my body will cry out for oxygen and lambast me if I fail to get in the daily dose of euphoria, despondentness, anxiety, expectation, frivolity, stinginess – any modicum of emotion to satiate my desires. I will want to debate the future of the bacteria that treat the wastewater at my place of work; crease my brow over the amount of reports that my bosses ask of me; smile when I see that my wife is calling me just to say hello; plan for that StarCraft extravaganza this weekend with my brother; think of ways to chide Yuri when Chelsea defeat Manchester United; await the end of the month to see the numbers in my bank account grow. Suffice to say, that I will be engulfed in my daily activities so much, that I will forget all of this death business.

And come the end of the day, some part of me will begin to wonder (probably some brain cells on their way out) as to what is the meaning of it all. Will this article make me famous and ensure posterity? Will future generations ever read this blog article and comment upon the grave (pun intended) nature of the subject matter? Questions, I wish I will never know the answers to – yet I seek desperately.

/R

I agree with whoever it is that thinks that my previous funny post was not funny enough and nowhere near the high standards that I have set for myself and people have come to expect from me. Blame it on the high sugar levels in my blood. The sugar content in my blood was so high that one could have probably distilled it to obtain pure crystalline sugar. I am not kidding. I ate sweets enough to fill the entire Louvre. Twice. To get an idea of the amount of sugar we are talking about here, please visit www.louvre.fr

All this has led me to believe that I need to change my writing style to suit my natural thinking style, about which I will let you know as soon as I get to know it myself. No, I am kidding (again), but the truth is that at heart, somewhere deep down in this huge blob on the face of the earth that responds to the name Radgovin (yet again), there is a place which takes a serious note of the things that happen in the world. Okay, you can stop laughing now. The last line was indeed a serious one. Ergo, I believe that I need to write more serious stuff. The reasons for this being that I sincerely believe I can do a better job of that. Also, there is the small matter as a certain Shiva mentioned : Girls dig it. So here’s some serious stuff for all the hot babes out there to drool over : Serious musings of a Questioning mind.

If junta were thinking that I am going to pen some seriously heart rending and mind bogglingly sensitive and mature thoughts on this blog, then they are really misled. They should have known better by now. There is no way in the world that I can talk about world hunger on the same page where I am talking about my getting married to a spider (and thanks to some anonymous commenter for this one) having my progeny be the next spider-man. I could probably conjure up something to relate the two. (as my ardent fans will agree) No matter how discrete two things may be, I can always come up with something stupid to relate them. Anyway, coming back to my future generation, (back to my future?) I can see only one serious threat. That of the kaam waali baai giving up her job in disgust. “Man, these cobwebs take ages to clean and keep on reappearing. I quit!” And given that kaam waali baais are rare to come by these days, that is indeed a serious problem.

As you will have guessed by now, the title (as always) has nothing to do with what you are reading in this article now. The title was just to confuse you. No sooner do I sit down to write something serious that something snaps in my brain, the second (or is it the third) of my many split personalities takes over and I end up splattering weird thoughts all over the page. Now, I am not the only weird person in this world and I say this because there are people weirder than me who read these blog articles and appreciate them. I must be doing something write. (right?) I cite as exhibit A an email which I received from an ardent admirer of my blog.

Dear Radgovin,

Thank you for all the booger humour on the blog. My own blog wasn’t generating much attention, so I linked your blog to mine and ever since then, I have generated a lot of traffic to my site and my revenues have gone up thirteen fold (By the way, I am suing this person for Intellectual Property Right Violation. Nobody, repeat nobody, should take credit (pun intended) for my work. I deserve all the applause. Also the money!) Also, the other blog of yours, the serious one, I send people there for their daily dose of humour. Your articles are so pathetic that they end up rolling on the floor laughing. (This person is still alive. Though I doubt for how long.)
So, this email is in appreciation of all that you have done for me.

Thanks.

A Deranged Web-master

I am unsure as to what it is exactly that the deranged person was insinuating. Are my serious writings that bad? Is there no hope for the world as we know it? Should the world be deprived of some good reading material because the masters of today are being ridiculed by some money-spinning web-masters? The answer, of course, is NO. Therefore, I am going to continue writing serious stuff. Whenever I get time for that, that is. Also, another requisite is that I must be completely stoned / drunk. Ciao then. Let me go get my dose of alcohol.

49-O? Constitution of India? What the heck is that?

Of late, in wake of the Mumbai attacks, a chain email which was hitherto being circulated during election time has surfaced again. This email, funnily enough, claims that (sic) “there is a system in our constitution, as per the 1969 act, in section ” 49-O” … convey the presiding election officer that he doesn’t want to vote anyone!”

A clinical dissection of this email is warranted because if the Constitution of India allows us to not vote for jokers, then the writers of the Constitution (may their souls rest in peace) need to be thanked profusely!

Okay. Google for Section 49-O of Indian Constitution. What’s this? All results points to pages which have the contents of the forwarded email! Hmmm… Must dig deeper to solve this mystery. Does the author mean the Constitution? Or does s/he want us to refer the Election Commission Rules? Is there any link to the Conduct of Election Rules? Will Radgovin aka Gman be able to unearth the truth in the quest for knowledge to destroy ignorance? Will he stop asking rhetorical questions? The answer of course is no.

I wonder what the Election Commission of India has to say about this:

Link 1.: http://archive.eci.gov.in/
No link to the Conduct of Election Rules on this site. However, there is a link which says, Proposed Electoral Reforms. Which brings us to:

Link 2.: http://archive.eci.gov.in/PROPOSED_ELECTORAL_REFORMS.pdf
Okay. This says that there is a need to amend the Rules 22 & 49B of the Conduct of Election Rules, 1961 so as to maintain anonymity of the voter who has voted for no one i.e. he has chosen to reject all probable candidates. This has been pending with the politicians (who make the rules, of course) since 2001.

Link 3.: (after a lot of searching) http://lawmin.nic.in/ld/subord/cer1.htm
The Motherload!!! Here’s what the Rule 49-O is all about:

49-O.   Elector  deciding  not  to  vote. – If  an  elector,  after  his electoral  roll number has been duly entered in the register of voters in  Form-17A and has put his signature or thumb impression thereon  as required  under  sub-rule (1) of rule 49L, decided not to  record  his vote,  a remark to this effect shall be made against the said entry in Form  17A  by  the  presiding  officer  and  the  signature  or  thumb impression of the elector shall be obtained against such remark.

Does not make sense, does it? I mean, the right to voting secrecy is the cornerstone of democracy. The fact that all our politicians are united against such an act goes to show that our “major” political parties are not all that “divided” after all. I mean, they are always united against a common enemy: the educated masses. Whenever the “educated” class gets agitated, these (*^*%$^) find ways and means to quell their anger. In the mean time, the poor uneducated masses are given hand outs just before the deadline for election commission rules to kick into place. Just to keep their memories fresh so that they know which button to press on election day. A look at the figures of voting in cities vs. voting in towns / villages will show you why the politicians who are in power are in power. Check the living conditions in constituencies of some of the powerful ministers in any state. And I am sure that you will not be surprised to see the people there living contented, peaceful lives. Can’t really blame them for that.

And what are the “educated” doing in the mean time? Lamenting about the lack of leadership in the Government, commenting on the state of traffic, security, roads, environment, health care, life style, moral righteousness. Oh, that & forwarding emails spreading disinformation. Don’t get me wrong; I am part of all of this myself. I am not one to claim that I am over all of this. I am as susceptible to criticizing all that is wrong around me as the other guy.

I am an Indian, after all.

Another good link to read about the Right to Say No:
http://www.indianofficer.com/forums/indian-polity/1220-article-49-o-right-say-no.html

/Radgovin

These days, every tom, dick & harry (and even his cousin) are into writing blogs. How then do you differentiate between the flotsam of the internet and genuine blog writers? At the insistence of Yuri, I am writing this article on finding & subscribing to good blogs around the blogosphere!

 

Searching for good blogs

 

Tip 1: Ask your friends Nothing beats personal opinion. Google blog search and other related devices for searching for blogs on the internet can only take you so far. For example, I am currently subscribed to two Arsenal related blogs – A Cultured Left Foot (ACLF) and Arseblog, which in my opinion offer damn good reading material for Arsenal fans. However, these two do not appear in the top 20 or so search results. Most of the top results will be populated by popular sites where the “aam junta” go for their daily kicks. However, when you are looking for specific reading which will appeal to the thinker within you, it makes sense to take advice from like minded people. Ask your friends, chat to people about blogs they like (with topics of your interest), ask on orkut/facebook/wherever.  

 

Tip 2: Check wordpress.com / technorati for “happening” blogs of the day.

These sites display a list of the hottest blogs of the moment. There is a reason that a blog article appears on the front page of such sites: popularity. And not just popularity amongst the general masses; popularity because they are good blog articles appreciated by chronic readers! There is a blog I subscribe to: Angry Aussie. The guy has a knack for humour & I picked up the link to his blog via WordPress. Another pointer for a good blog is the number of comments it has. A blog having multiple comments by different people over a period of time is more likely to have good content as opposed to the blogger interjecting to reply to every other comment.

 

Tip 3: Once you find a good blog, check for related links  

The best bloggers hunt in packs. Correction, make that “write” in packs. That is not to say that they know each other in real life. Writers write because they have read a lot and cannot control the urge to pen down their own two pennies worth. The very fact that they are writing well suggests that they are reading well. Check the “blogs I visit” section of any good blogger. You are bound to find some wonderful reading stuff over there as well.  

 

Subscribing to good blogs  

 

Tip 4: RSS & Syndication  

Now that you have found a blog that regularly updates and has exceptional content, you want to ensure that fresh material uploaded there is made available to you at the moment it gets posted. There are three ways to this: RSS via browser, feed reading software, online syndication providers. RSS stands for Really Simple Syndication where your browser automatically downloads latest posts on your “favourite” blogs. These are simple text downloads and will not be as effective if the blogger of your choice has a penchant for the visual media. Nevertheless, these are a very good starting point for you to decide whether a blog is worth reading or not. Syndication softwares download stuff to your PC and the best one around is FeedDemon (available for free download). Similarly, you can go online at google reader / bloglines / etc. to get fresh updates of your favourite blogs.

 

Tip 5: Sign up for email

So you are tired of firing up your browser to visit that blog that you like reading the most. Check if there is an option to receive the feed via email. This is a very nifty option that most bloggers like to give to their readers. Nothing as convenient as getting the latest article in your inbox, is there? Improving the content of blogs    

 

Tip 6: Never thought that you could actually improve blogs in the blogosphere?    

 

Think again. Writers write because they want people to read. How will there be an impetus for a writer (unless s/he has a compulsive typing disorder) to keep on doling out good reading material? The answer is: feedback. Bouquets & brickbats are typically welcome and the best of bloggers take the time to read each and every comment posted about what they have written. Wherever improvement is warranted, it is usually implemented. So go ahead and type out that witty comment that you thought of. It might just make some one’s day!  

I am not a firm believer in destiny – I choose to believe the positives about my future and disregard the negatives. And that too, in the predictions of a chosen few astrologers. Yet, sometimes I go out of my way to predict something. With the result being usually bang opposite to what I had stated. It’s one of the principal reasons I’ve stayed away from gambling all my life!

A few weeks ago, I wrote this article: Arsenal 2008-09 season in which I propounded the theory that Arsenal would succeed this season because of the presence of a winner in their midst. Oh, how wrong I was. The winner has been performing woefully till date: because he has been overplayed as some would have you believe; or maybe that he has lost the hunger now that he has some valuable trophy under his belt; or the fact that his best friends are no longer at the club. Much can be made out of Cesc Fabregas’ poor performances this season. Yet, the fact remains that in football, unlike in most other sports, you lose as a team. You can win on off days by a spark of brilliance from one chap; you can win on others by a stroke of luck. But you can lose only if the entire team does not have the same focus.

Whether Arsene was aware of the media hyped “deficiencies” of this team is anyone’s guess. What he was aware of was that there was probably a good chance (given Arsenal’s history in this department) of injuries knocking out players at crucial times in the league campaign. The list of injured now stands as follows:

Long term absentees:

Rosicky, Eduardo, Walcott

Short term absentees:

Eboue, Toure, Sagna, Nasri, Gallas

That Gallas is not injured and has been removed from the team (as per Arseblog) due to his misdemeanours off the field is besides the point. No Arsenal captain, in my lifetime at least, has mouthed off to the media like this son of a (*^*%&^$) has. Not only has he showed the club and its players in poor light but he has also damaged the aura that surrounded AFC. Smaller teams will now visit The Emirates with a view to take away three points as opposed to praying for a non-shellacking performance from the Gunners. Gallas will never be forgiven by any Gooner and he deserves to be left out of the team.

Yuri had commented on my previous article that Arsenal were probably not going to see out the entire season at the top of the table (forget being there at the end of it). He had said that come the second half and the performances would peter out. How wrong he was! The performances have petered out in the first half itself. As a fan of a “top 4″ team, I have every reason to expect more from the team than what they have shown on the field. We fans are indirectly paying their wages. If you employ someone to work for you, you have every right to smack (not physically) that person in case s/he is not performing upto her/his capabilities! Failure is not a problem! Low aim, not failure is a crime. It is the indifferent performances that the team is capable of delivering is what is damning!

I am done predicting for the near future. The season is over for us, no matter what anyone says about mathematical possibilities. I can only hope that Arsene bolsters the squad in January and that we see out the end of the season without any major casualties. If Gallas chooses to leave, so be it. So long as Arsene knows what he is doing, we hope we have a chance at winning something. Carling Cup, here we come!

Here it is then – the definitive FAQ related to Football. For all the non-soccer people of the world, the single point ready reckoner that you can refer to whenever you are in doubt about where your life is heading. Seriously! There are so many aspects of football which can be applied to real life situations such as teamwork, coaching, goal achievement, kicking, etc. I am of course, joking. The only thing about football that can be applied to real life is that its a good excuse to get out the beer & pop-corn and root for your team. Its a tradition being followed by males since ancient times, when instead of football, the “sport” being played was gladiator head hunting, with savage carnivorous beasts as the teams’ players!

Of course, sport has changed since then and males these days are more content to see other men slug it out on football grounds for a round sphere. Here is the FAQ then to remove any lingering doubts you might have about the beautiful game.

Q. Is it true that as a writer, radgovin is deeply influenced by Dave Barry and that he wantonly copies the writing style of booger humour as mastered by M/s. Barry? Does Dave Barry read this blog?

A. Shush! Don’t you know how to keep a secret?

 

Q. What is the correct technical reference to an offside? Which of the following is the correct description of an offside event: “the player was caught in an offside position” or “the player was offside”?

A. The correct description is “The referree & linesman are ‘&*^)&^^$()*’” without the quotes.

 

Q. What is the length of an average football ground? How do football grounds ensure that the grass is always green? Isn’t the “grass is always greener on the other side” a ridiculously cliched proverb for the spectators watching the football game?

A. 1. There is no such thing as an average football ground. There are miniscule football grounds and there are monolithic football grounds. The length of the ground varies from a few candelas to several million light years, depending on where you are sitting in the stands.

2. You can purchase the same grass at your local convenience store for your own lawns. Look under the section titled Grossly Expensive Carpets.

3. Not as ridiculuously contrived as “The hand that strokes the ball gives away the penalty.”

 

Q. What were you doing when Maradona scored the “Hand of God” goal?

A. I was busy wetting my diapers.

 

Q. No, seriously. I remember I was driving down the highway when I heard the news on the radio and went into delirium. The high ended with me on the low, with some twenty three cars above my car as I crashed into a parking lot at full speed. What did you experience in the five minutes following the Hand of God goal?

A. Hands on my butt, changing my diaper

 

Q. Which of the following is the correct expression: “The striker scored a goal” or “The goal was stroked in by the striker”?

A. Depending on whether the striker is in the team you support or not, the correct expression can be any one of the following:

“Yaay! We scored! Take that you sorry little (^&^%^%) I’m sure you are wishing you weren’t born you muppets!”

OR

“If I ever meet that (*%^&^$&) in a bar, I’ll personally scrutinize the chap!”

Note: Please remove brackets when using expression

 

Q. As an intelligent football fan and an avid reader of your blog, I’d like to ask you a question: Since you are a football fan yourself, why do you ridicule others of your clan?

A. I refuse to answer your question on the grounds that the species you state you belong to (intelligent football fan and an avid reader of my blog) does not exist.

 

Q. Such a species does exist. And I implore you to please answer my question! (Note use of word implore indicating above average vocabulary)

A. I like the attention I get.

 

Q. Last but not the least, are you expecting to answer any real football related questions any time soon?

A. Keep checking this site for updates. And send me any money-making tips / links that you have so that my avid readers can click on them for me to make money!

 

/radgovin

At the outset, let me make this article useful by providing links to sites that actually tell you how to use shampoo.

• http://www.wikihow.com/Wash-Your-Hair
• http://www.wikihow.com/Shampoo-Your-Hair

Now that that’s out of the way, I can safely get on with my own booger article! [Health tip: Following advice of booger journalists can lead to several tax-deductible hospitalizations. One needs to weigh the pros & cons of reduced income tax liabilities versus the dull and drab ceilings of hospitals. There is no competition, actually - tax deduction wins hands down!]

Okay. Welcome to the first ever how to guide for men from The Authority on men’s hygiene and other issues. Today’s topic for brother neanderthals is: How to Shampoo. A typical male will use any soap available (if he uses soap i.e.) on his hair whereas a typical female will consume at least a gazillion litres of shampoo, conditioner, stabilizer, shining pearl drops and what not (and that is just till her pubescent period) I know typical males reading this article are probably sniggering at the words pubescence and period. I just have the following piece of useless advice for them: grow up!!! I say useless because I know guys never grow up. I am a living example of a typical guy!

Anyway, since the male species is absolutely uninformed about the use of the shampoo (though they may be intensely involved in the manufacture of it), let me advise menfolk of the world on the benefits of shampooing as it were:

1. It makes your hair shiny
2. It helps remove split ends
3. Your hair feels smoother and men will want to touch it (not much utility for guys from this particular function)
4. Your hair will smell great
5. blah blah blah

Essentially, everything that you have right now, except that you get the pleasure of spending a few thousand rupees on all of it, with the security of the knowledge that all the chemicals and surfactants in the shampoo are probably ringing the death knell for your hairs and their roots. That apart, there is also the advantage from using shampoo that in social circles, you can disdainfully cluck at other nescient males and guffaw when they speak about which soap the jocks use to rid themselves of grease and muck.

So here, I present to you, the guide to using shampoos:

1. Taking a bath: To be covered later in this series of articles (maybe. if I ever get around to getting a bath myself!)
2. Look for shampoo in the bathroom – bachelors living in their own pads (pads! hah!) can skip this step. This step is applicable for males having female relatives
3. Realize that there is no shampoo for “Cro-Magnon Man hair”. There is only shampoo for hair with split ends, soft hair, root strengthening shampoo, conditioner, daily use pearl drops, etc. i.e. no form of hair vaguely resembling the teeming mass growing on your head
4. Make mental note to buy Shampoo for Men from chemist shop
5. Forget about shampooing for two weeks
6. Finally buy shampoo for men
7. When taking a bath, grope around in the bathroom looking for shampoo because you have soap in your eyes
8. Find shampoo and use it lavishly on head. With the extra foam, clean other parts of the body
9. Wash off
10. Panic! You see a large black swirling mass on the bathroom floor that you think is a large insect from some horror movie you saw a week ago
11. Relax, as you realize that its all your own hair!
12. Your own hair!!! Look at shampoo bottle! Its not shampoo, its Fem Body Hair removal lotion
13. Console yourself by saying that since you have used it on your face also, there is no need to shave now [never mind that you are missing eyebrows also]
14. Vow never to fall into the trap of using items meant for female consumption

That’s all there is to it! I hope you have found this first edition of Random musings How to Guide for Men useful. Do come back and check out later for more informative articles for men in the battle against social ignominy!

/radgovin

I like to think of myself as the “Forwards Stopper”. You know those pieces of email which have never been read by anyone, the kinds that have “Miracle of Bohemian Proportions” in the subject line and which claim that if you fail to forward the email that you are reading, your house will be raided by pixilated nymphomaniacs, with each one of them weighing at least a tonne and having a fetish for eating lots of garlic and smelling of garbage dump. And that will happen if you are lucky. If you are unlucky enough, you could lose a million dollars in a day, be eaten alive by Piranhas or worse, you could lose all your bodily hair in a pubic oops… I mean in a public place.

Other hazards of not forwarding emails proclaiming to contain blessings from various god men: getting pregnant with septuplets in the middle of a desert at short notice, having to get septuplets pregnant in the middle of a desert at short notice, being forced to attend Kumar Sanu concerts (the one with jhankar beats in the background), being made to watch Chelsea-Liverpool Champions League semi-final borefests with your eyelids taped to your forehead so that you cannot blink, lest you miss the action. I could go on, but you get the point – a lot of evil is out there in the world. And the only way to negate it is through forwarded emails.

While on the subject of forwarded emails, I’m reminded of an article I wrote some time ago [original article here] There I speak of an impersonator who uses my email id to send spam to random people in the internet world. I am sure that the email must have reached other spammers because they got hold of my email id, and in a brilliant and unheard of marketing manoeuvre, they used my email id to send me even more spam, occasionally from my own email id. I was spared the agony of legal hassles due to some excellent manoeuverability on my own part: I deleted the email account.

The only positive that came out of all this was that I got the contact details of some spammers. They now send some money across when I sell them the email addresses of all the people putting spam in my comments! This way, I use the tricks of the trade against the traders themselves (let me know if you could make sense of that statement. I couldn’t). In case you don’t get enough forwards in your inbox and want to know how you can spice up your life with Cialis / Viagra, just put a comment on this article, with your email id. I’ll send across blessings from a million sex gurus, each of which require you to forward emails to add a few inches to your bodily organs (you know the ones!)

/R

Okay. Some people might think its a tad too early for this article. After all, pre-season has just dawned on us and there is still a fortnight for the 2008-09 English Premier League to start in all earnest. However, the clairvoyant in me cannot resist the urge to pen down my feelings: if only for the sake of posterity (or even better, for the sake of “I told you so!”)

I’ve been an Arsenal supporter for eight years now. Come to think of it, I think I became a football fanatic (as opposed to a cricket fanatic) because of Arsenal. Much was made of Manchester United’s treble achievement in 1999. I think it was a Reader’s Digest article I read about this which made me sit up and take notice of this sport. Till then, football for me was just the game to be played during the rains (when of course, there was no way of playing cricket) Also, I had been recently introduced to the EA Games FIFA series of games.

The first team I noticed in the English Premier League was Arsenal. The symbol was the legendary cannon on the red background. And I thought to myself – that’s an interesting name, Arsenal. It conjured up images in my mind of players running on the ground with guns drawn, gunning down opponents who dared to stand in their way. Incidentally, the first FIFA game I played, I chose Arsenal as my side and played against Liverpool. As is wont to happen to a newbie to football (and especially, football played on the PC) I lost.

However, the name of the team and some of the players stuck. I found that I was often selecting Arsenal to play against a plethora of opponents. I found that I could interlink passes between a certain Dennis Bergkamp and a Marc Overmars pretty well. And there was this chap called Thierry Henry, who would constantly outrun defenders at will. I was slowly falling in love with this team called Arsenal.

I don’t remember the exact time I made the transition from cricket to football. However, I think that getting admission to an Engineering college which had football enthusiasts aplenty had a lot to do with it. Circa 2001, I started following the Premier League. And in 2002, Arsenal won the EPL under Arsene Wenger for the second time. There had been some records set during this season; however, I was to be made aware of these only after two years.

I took up playing football when in college and realized that I had certain qualities essential for a footballer. One, the ability to spot my team mates. Two, being in the right place at the right time. Three, a loud voice to shout out instructions to team mates.
I realized that Arsenal represented in every way the way I felt football should be played. It epitomized team work and passing and the bonding of the team was evident in the celebrations. No matter who scored, the entire team would join him to celebrate. And so would we fans.

The 2003-2004 EPL season was a realization of dreams of sorts. Arsenal played great football and won the Premier League after going unbeaten through the season. Every goal was a treat to watch and every match won was a thrilling spectacle. It was quite befitting then that the most successful team in the history of the Premier League should end this unbeaten streak. What was not befitting was the subsequent results that the team faced. A certain Mr. Mourinho took advantage of this and took an unknown Chelsea team to the top.

The seasons after that were nothing to write home about. We knew that Wenger was in the process of rebuilding a team and that honours would come. That a coveted prize came within our grasp and was snatched away was the cruel twist of fate. Although history will show Arsenal as the beaten Champions League finalists of 2006, live witnesses will remember the game as one totally dominated by Arsenal.

I digress. This article has got nothing to do with the past and / or my love of Arsenal. This article is about the coming year.

I last recall looking forward as eagerly to a season like this in 2003. The previous season, we had been unlucky in losing out the title to United. The 07-08 season was another heartbreak for the same reason. Yet, whatever I saw during that season enthuses me with confidence for the coming season. There is a sense of expectation, an anticipation of glory coming to The Emirates.

We have in our midst, for the first time in many years, a Winner. Something that was lacking all these trophyless years. Sure, we had Thierry Henry, Ljungberg and other veterans who had all been there and done that. However, they were at times out of place in the new squad that Arsene was building. Right now, Arsenal have a gem of a person in Cesc Fabregas. The young lad of 21 has under his belt a Euro win. And that win alone is enough to sustain his hunger for further titles.

Already, there are other players at the club who look up to this guy, who is short in stature but large in accomplishments. Look at his experience: filling up the boots of the erstwhile Patrick Vieira, taking up the creative responsibility in the midfield at a tender age of 18, Champions League silver medal at 19, being selected for the Spanish national team, Euro win at 21. So much accomplished in such a short time. Yet, the difference now is going to be the fact that he has won something. And it is reflected in his statements. Once you get a taste of winning, you have the confidence to go ahead and do it again.

Then again, we have winners with never-say-die attitude in the team. Players like Sagna and Eduardo, talents unearthed by Le Boss who have it in them to turn matches on their heads. Plus, they don’t have the mental baggage of past losses; of just being there and not winning. The team is young and they are more athletic and agile than the other teams of the EPL. That this fact has not been used to our advantage is the only sore point I have.

There is so much to look forward to. And so much media pressure on these young chaps. I am sure they will cope well. I believe this team has what previous Wenger teams lacked: the so-called bottle that is required to grind out results. A combination of bad luck and loss of focus resulted in them losing out on a rightful Premier League title. However, this time around, things are going to be different. All because of a win.

This year, as always, Arsenal are placed first in the EPL at the start of the season because of the alphabetical arrangement. At the end of it, they are going to be at the top of it because they deserve to be. More importantly, they also have the desire to be.